Post by rachy on May 1, 2010 4:04:49 GMT -8
Title: It's Not Over
Rating: PG
Warnings: Nil
Summary: Fits Daughtry's "It's Not Over" supremely well. Severus can't accept Lily's choice. Slightly disjointed. Quotes are indicated, and from Deathly Hallows.
--
Severus Snape stared wistfully across the courtyard. She stood there, didn't she. Lily Evans. Girl of his dreams. His best friend. Could he catch her though, that was the thing. James 'arrogant toerag' Potter was trying to catch her. But, he, Sev, as Lily's trusted friend, knew that Lily hated Potter. Too right, too. Hated him since that first train ride. Severus had hated him then, too. That moment, when him and that arrogant little piece Black had told him that he had no brawns, no brains. No one could come between him and Lily. Not her Muggle freak of a sister, who had wanted to come to Hogwarts, not the werewolf, not Black and definitely not Potter.
*
Severus stared at Lily in shock. She was getting angry – angry- at him, for saying that Lupin was a werewolf. And then accusing Black and Potter of being worse then his friends. Of course they were, didn't Lily see that? Couldn't she tell that all he wanted was for Lily to see him, see his side?
'"I just don't want to see you made a fool out of – he fancies you, James Potter fancies you!"
"'I know James Potter's an arrogant toerag." Lily said, cutting across him. "I don't need you to tell me that."
*
Lily's eyes met his and he couldn't believe what he'd said. He'd crossed the line. In his anger against stupid Potter, he'd done it. He felt like he'd performed an Unforgivable curse on her, and in her book, he supposed, he had. He'd called her a Mudblood. Potter, Black and their cronies didn't even do that, to anyone. He felt a jerk, and discovered he was in the air. He would kill Potter for this. He really, truly would.
*
A stony eyed Lily walked out of Gryffindor's portrait hole.
"Lily, please." Severus' voice bordered on desperation. "Forgive me, please Lily."
"Save your breath Severus. I'm not interested."
"'But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"'
Lily turned and walked back into the portrait hole, leaving a brokenhearted Severus behind. He had never meant to call her that. He had never expected that she wouldn't forgive him. He felt an overwhelming sense of remorse and wished she would forgive him. But somehow, he knew that that could never happen now.
*
Mulciber and Avery were talking quietly with Regulus Black when he stumbled across them. They quietened instantly as he approached, but he heard a faint whisper of becoming a Death Eater. Severus sat with them, and asked Regulus absentmindedly how Quidditch was going. Their conversation was continuing from there, when an owl flew to perch on Regulus's shoulders.
"It's from Malfoy. He's got a date for the meeting."
"Meeting? What meeting?" Severus asked, curiosity getting the better of him.
Mulciber clapped his shoulder, gripping it tightly.
"Are you with us, Severus?"
He glanced across the courtyard. He could see Lily, sitting with her friends. He felt a painful punch in the gut as he saw her get up and walk over to Potter, sitting alone with him and talking quietly. He had lost her, so now nothing else mattered.
"I'm with you."
"We're pledging ourselves to the cause," Mulciber whispered silently. "We're joining up with the Dark Lord. Lucius scored his cousin Reggie a meeting, so we're going too. This is it, Sev. What we've dreamed of."
"Yeah. This is it."
*
Snape stumbled away from the Dark Lord's side. This couldn't be happening. This couldn't happen. It couldn't. Why couldn't Voldemort go after the Longbottoms? They'd gotten away from him three times, too. They were even to have a baby at the end of July as well. Why did it have to be Lily? Why Lily? He scoffed. Potter, he didn't care about. Her kid… It was only a baby, and would die in the times to come, anyway. Why did Voldemort have to go after Lily? The woman he'd never stopped loving. Not after, she'd told him, that they wouldn't, couldn't be friends. Or after James Potter asked her out. Not after she'd told Potter yes. Not after he'd seen them kiss, or heard that, they were engaged. Not even after she'd married the toerag. Not even after she was pregnant with his child. Not even then, had he stopped loving her. He never would. It was then he realised. Dumbledore. Dumbledore was key. If Snape went to the leader of the Order of the Phoenix, Lily would be safe. He had loved Lily like a daughter; they had been close and grown even closer after they'd graduated. A thought crossed his mind. What if Voldemort found out? Severus shook his head. Voldemort wouldn't. Voldemort had made his choice. He'd gone after Lily, and made one of his inner circle turn on him. But could Snape pull it off? He sighed. For Lily, he'd do anything. He'd turn his back, turn double agent. He'd go to the Order of the Phoenix, tell Dumbledore. He'd turn his back on the Dark Lord, the second greatest wizard of their time, forever if it meant the woman he loved survived. For Lily, Sev would do anything. His life wasn't worth it, if Lily was dead. Lily was his world. If death meant Lily would live, he'd die now. He'd sacrifice his life for her. It was time to turn sides, to turn to Dumbledore.
*
The tears didn't stop pouring down Severus' face. Sev's face. The voice that spoke his name wasn't Lily's. Would never be again. He'd never hear her sweet voice, never see her laughing smile. Never see her beautiful eyes, look at him in friendship. In love, curiosity and happiness. In hate, at the end. Never could he ask for her forgiveness.
*
"You know how and why she died. Make sure it was not in vain. Help me protect Lily's son."
And Snape saw that there was nothing else to do. His death, as Dumbledore pointed out, would be worthless. He could do something to atone for his mistakes. He could help Dumbledore protect the boy, her son. He could help protect him, because Dumbledore usually turned out to be right. He would protect her son, so long as Dumbledore never told anyone of his feelings for Lily. It was bad enough that Dumbledore knew, and the fact that it was Potter's son….
*
Harry Potter. The name slipped off his tongue, and he glared at the eleven year old. A strange mix of feelings came over him. He could see the boy. The boy was standing before him, a fatal mix of everything that had gone wrong in Severus' life. He had the face of an eleven year old Potter, and his despicable father was visible in every part of the young boy's body. But the eyes. They were his Lily's eyes, on Potter's face. He cursed again, for the millionth time his weak, spineless fifteen year old self. The part of him that leapt out and called her that name, that name which he would never again say. He had shoved her away into his enemy's arms and the product was sitting only metres away. He'd been a stupid fool, he knew it. But did he really need his mistakes rubbed in his face for the next seven years? Why oh why did Lily have to go to Potter? ANYONE but Potter. The werewolf, the spineless little rat, even the blood traitor Black, who had tormented him as much as Potter, he could have maybe dealt with more. But he had pushed her too far, and she had ran. That hadn't meant all his feelings ran away with her. He still felt resentment for everything that had happened and he still felt overwhelming love for her, but everytime he saw that boy, he could only see the life he could have had.
*
He looked. The boy he had despised for years stood in front of him. Everything he wanted to explain, he couldn't. Everything, everything. He let his beloved memories sweep out of him. His memories of his sweet, beloved Lily. His memories of the end of their friendship, his remorse at her death. All the things the boy needed to know. How to defeat the man that had robbed him of his only love. He forced out the words, his desperation. To see Lily Evans' eyes again.
"'Look … at … me' he whispered.
The green eyes found the black,"
Severus Snape found peace in those eyes. Her eyes were the last thing he saw. The eyes of the woman he had never stopped loving. The eyes of the woman, that was dead because of him. He saw himself through her eyes, and he knew that he had come full circle. He had done his absolute best to protect her son, and fix all the mistakes of so long ago. Everything he had done, he had done it for her. She was everything to him, and to have one last chance, to look into her eyes…. It was enough.
It's not over.
This love is killing me, but you're the only one.
It's not over.
Rating: PG
Warnings: Nil
Summary: Fits Daughtry's "It's Not Over" supremely well. Severus can't accept Lily's choice. Slightly disjointed. Quotes are indicated, and from Deathly Hallows.
--
Severus Snape stared wistfully across the courtyard. She stood there, didn't she. Lily Evans. Girl of his dreams. His best friend. Could he catch her though, that was the thing. James 'arrogant toerag' Potter was trying to catch her. But, he, Sev, as Lily's trusted friend, knew that Lily hated Potter. Too right, too. Hated him since that first train ride. Severus had hated him then, too. That moment, when him and that arrogant little piece Black had told him that he had no brawns, no brains. No one could come between him and Lily. Not her Muggle freak of a sister, who had wanted to come to Hogwarts, not the werewolf, not Black and definitely not Potter.
*
Severus stared at Lily in shock. She was getting angry – angry- at him, for saying that Lupin was a werewolf. And then accusing Black and Potter of being worse then his friends. Of course they were, didn't Lily see that? Couldn't she tell that all he wanted was for Lily to see him, see his side?
'"I just don't want to see you made a fool out of – he fancies you, James Potter fancies you!"
"'I know James Potter's an arrogant toerag." Lily said, cutting across him. "I don't need you to tell me that."
*
Lily's eyes met his and he couldn't believe what he'd said. He'd crossed the line. In his anger against stupid Potter, he'd done it. He felt like he'd performed an Unforgivable curse on her, and in her book, he supposed, he had. He'd called her a Mudblood. Potter, Black and their cronies didn't even do that, to anyone. He felt a jerk, and discovered he was in the air. He would kill Potter for this. He really, truly would.
*
A stony eyed Lily walked out of Gryffindor's portrait hole.
"Lily, please." Severus' voice bordered on desperation. "Forgive me, please Lily."
"Save your breath Severus. I'm not interested."
"'But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"'
Lily turned and walked back into the portrait hole, leaving a brokenhearted Severus behind. He had never meant to call her that. He had never expected that she wouldn't forgive him. He felt an overwhelming sense of remorse and wished she would forgive him. But somehow, he knew that that could never happen now.
*
Mulciber and Avery were talking quietly with Regulus Black when he stumbled across them. They quietened instantly as he approached, but he heard a faint whisper of becoming a Death Eater. Severus sat with them, and asked Regulus absentmindedly how Quidditch was going. Their conversation was continuing from there, when an owl flew to perch on Regulus's shoulders.
"It's from Malfoy. He's got a date for the meeting."
"Meeting? What meeting?" Severus asked, curiosity getting the better of him.
Mulciber clapped his shoulder, gripping it tightly.
"Are you with us, Severus?"
He glanced across the courtyard. He could see Lily, sitting with her friends. He felt a painful punch in the gut as he saw her get up and walk over to Potter, sitting alone with him and talking quietly. He had lost her, so now nothing else mattered.
"I'm with you."
"We're pledging ourselves to the cause," Mulciber whispered silently. "We're joining up with the Dark Lord. Lucius scored his cousin Reggie a meeting, so we're going too. This is it, Sev. What we've dreamed of."
"Yeah. This is it."
*
Snape stumbled away from the Dark Lord's side. This couldn't be happening. This couldn't happen. It couldn't. Why couldn't Voldemort go after the Longbottoms? They'd gotten away from him three times, too. They were even to have a baby at the end of July as well. Why did it have to be Lily? Why Lily? He scoffed. Potter, he didn't care about. Her kid… It was only a baby, and would die in the times to come, anyway. Why did Voldemort have to go after Lily? The woman he'd never stopped loving. Not after, she'd told him, that they wouldn't, couldn't be friends. Or after James Potter asked her out. Not after she'd told Potter yes. Not after he'd seen them kiss, or heard that, they were engaged. Not even after she'd married the toerag. Not even after she was pregnant with his child. Not even then, had he stopped loving her. He never would. It was then he realised. Dumbledore. Dumbledore was key. If Snape went to the leader of the Order of the Phoenix, Lily would be safe. He had loved Lily like a daughter; they had been close and grown even closer after they'd graduated. A thought crossed his mind. What if Voldemort found out? Severus shook his head. Voldemort wouldn't. Voldemort had made his choice. He'd gone after Lily, and made one of his inner circle turn on him. But could Snape pull it off? He sighed. For Lily, he'd do anything. He'd turn his back, turn double agent. He'd go to the Order of the Phoenix, tell Dumbledore. He'd turn his back on the Dark Lord, the second greatest wizard of their time, forever if it meant the woman he loved survived. For Lily, Sev would do anything. His life wasn't worth it, if Lily was dead. Lily was his world. If death meant Lily would live, he'd die now. He'd sacrifice his life for her. It was time to turn sides, to turn to Dumbledore.
*
The tears didn't stop pouring down Severus' face. Sev's face. The voice that spoke his name wasn't Lily's. Would never be again. He'd never hear her sweet voice, never see her laughing smile. Never see her beautiful eyes, look at him in friendship. In love, curiosity and happiness. In hate, at the end. Never could he ask for her forgiveness.
*
"You know how and why she died. Make sure it was not in vain. Help me protect Lily's son."
And Snape saw that there was nothing else to do. His death, as Dumbledore pointed out, would be worthless. He could do something to atone for his mistakes. He could help Dumbledore protect the boy, her son. He could help protect him, because Dumbledore usually turned out to be right. He would protect her son, so long as Dumbledore never told anyone of his feelings for Lily. It was bad enough that Dumbledore knew, and the fact that it was Potter's son….
*
Harry Potter. The name slipped off his tongue, and he glared at the eleven year old. A strange mix of feelings came over him. He could see the boy. The boy was standing before him, a fatal mix of everything that had gone wrong in Severus' life. He had the face of an eleven year old Potter, and his despicable father was visible in every part of the young boy's body. But the eyes. They were his Lily's eyes, on Potter's face. He cursed again, for the millionth time his weak, spineless fifteen year old self. The part of him that leapt out and called her that name, that name which he would never again say. He had shoved her away into his enemy's arms and the product was sitting only metres away. He'd been a stupid fool, he knew it. But did he really need his mistakes rubbed in his face for the next seven years? Why oh why did Lily have to go to Potter? ANYONE but Potter. The werewolf, the spineless little rat, even the blood traitor Black, who had tormented him as much as Potter, he could have maybe dealt with more. But he had pushed her too far, and she had ran. That hadn't meant all his feelings ran away with her. He still felt resentment for everything that had happened and he still felt overwhelming love for her, but everytime he saw that boy, he could only see the life he could have had.
*
He looked. The boy he had despised for years stood in front of him. Everything he wanted to explain, he couldn't. Everything, everything. He let his beloved memories sweep out of him. His memories of his sweet, beloved Lily. His memories of the end of their friendship, his remorse at her death. All the things the boy needed to know. How to defeat the man that had robbed him of his only love. He forced out the words, his desperation. To see Lily Evans' eyes again.
"'Look … at … me' he whispered.
The green eyes found the black,"
Severus Snape found peace in those eyes. Her eyes were the last thing he saw. The eyes of the woman he had never stopped loving. The eyes of the woman, that was dead because of him. He saw himself through her eyes, and he knew that he had come full circle. He had done his absolute best to protect her son, and fix all the mistakes of so long ago. Everything he had done, he had done it for her. She was everything to him, and to have one last chance, to look into her eyes…. It was enough.
It's not over.
This love is killing me, but you're the only one.
It's not over.