gear
Sixth Year
"What fun is it being cool if you can't wear a sombrero?" ~Calvin and Hobbes
Posts: 568
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Post by gear on Oct 1, 2011 19:53:01 GMT -8
Title: I'm Sorry Rating: PG Word Count: 108 Warnings: Summary: Snape apologizes, after a few tries. A/N: Not sure is this actually counts seeing as only five of the words are actually not crossed out. ~ ~ ~ Dear My Love Dearest My Friend Mrs. Potter Lily, My condolences I know that we have not been on the best of terms recently I heard about the loss your mother and would like to offer If I can help in any way I should not have told you that Be more careful – Voldemort is You were wasted in Gryffindor I wish I had been braver I shouldn’t have allowed emotions to cloud My apologies and my most sincere good wishes for you and your kinI’m sorry. Godspeed Sincerely Your Friend I am sorry for your loss The Best of WishesLove Severus Snape Your FriendSev Edit: I just reread this on the sight to triple check for errors - somehow I'm just not getting the same emotions in pirate that I got in English.Awarded 10 Points, by Zoe, on October 5 2011.
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Post by Zoe on Oct 1, 2011 22:03:48 GMT -8
Oh my, Pirate Speech really did a number on this fic!
On a more serious note, I loved seeing all of Snape's attempts, and this really was a touching fic. Great job!
Awarded 5 Points, by Zoe, on October 5 2011.
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Bec
Ministry Employee
Procrastination -------------# (it's a wand)
Posts: 1,098
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Post by Bec on Oct 2, 2011 23:25:20 GMT -8
I loved it Great fic! Awarded 5 Points, by Zoe, on October 5 2011.
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Post by Kaitee on Oct 5, 2011 20:08:22 GMT -8
It's very Snape. Great idea with the crossing out. I could see him actually trying to write Lily a letter and crossing it out several times, like you have shown and never actually sending it. It is so well written and so well portrayed. Stupendous job!
Awarded 5 Points, by Jess, on November 2, 2011.
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Post by Rachael on Oct 5, 2011 21:55:23 GMT -8
That was lovely. It's so endearing that Severus was crossing out the more intelligent way to say things. I can imagine his eyebrows dipping in to a stern 'v' shape. Lol Awarded 5 Points, by Jess, on November 2, 2011.
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Post by jazzyjess on Oct 5, 2011 22:54:51 GMT -8
For such few (un-crossed-out) words, there is a lot of feeling packed into this fic. I love what you've done with his emotions. Great job, gear!
Awarded 5 Points, by Jess, on November 2, 2011.
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Post by Bellzabean on Oct 5, 2011 23:02:54 GMT -8
I loved how you crossed out everything, leaving only a few words behind. I can totally see Snape doing this, wonderful fic!
Awarded 5 Points, by Jess, on November 2, 2011.
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Post by Fate on Oct 6, 2011 11:32:24 GMT -8
This is... there are no words... this is stunning. With so little words you have managed to capture an amazing amount of emotion. This is 100% something I could see appearing in cannon. I offically LOVE this. Some talented artsy person whould do a picture to match! Awarded 5 Points, by Jess, on November 2, 2011.
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Post by Elienp on Oct 6, 2011 21:21:17 GMT -8
The words you didn't cross out are definitely the best to sum up his feelings, you show it perfectly!
Awarded 5 Points, by Jess, on November 2, 2011.
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Post by maraudersrule97 on Oct 7, 2011 17:41:26 GMT -8
This is wonderful! I can see Severus writing this in my head, crossing out line after line and just getting more and more frustrated. Absolutely perfect. Awarded 5 Points, by Jess, on November 2, 2011.
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Lilac
Seventh Year
Operation Poufsoufle
Posts: 755
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Post by Lilac on Oct 8, 2011 0:56:29 GMT -8
That was really amazing. I loved how you showed all of the crossed out lines as well as what he really chooses to say. That form, more than any of the words in this fic, really managed to sum up his emotions. Great job! Awarded 5 Points, by Jess, on November 2, 2011.
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Rose
Fourth Year
Posts: 242
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Post by Rose on Oct 9, 2011 5:33:17 GMT -8
That was really innovative! I like the crossing out of words to show the various emotions Severus was going through.
Awarded 5 Points, by Jess, on November 2, 2011.
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Crystal
Sixth Year
♥ Proud Gryffindor ♥
Posts: 617
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Post by Crystal on Oct 11, 2011 6:48:15 GMT -8
OMG gear, this is amazing! The remaining 5 words are so very powerful, excellent job!
On the downside, I just wrote a Sev/Lily fic and now I'm not sure I want to post it... Lovely fic!!!
Awarded 5 Points, by Jess, on November 2, 2011.
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