Post by kcsficmas on Jan 4, 2012 14:34:41 GMT -8
Title: Always
Rating: PG
Warnings: Slightly depressing?
Summary: Lily reflects on Christmas.
Notes: Sorry its so so SO late!
Three things I’d like to have included in my gift are...
1) Neville/Luna
2) Dumbledore/Grindewald
3) Lily/Sev
3.5) Voldy/anyone!
Three things I don’t want to have included in my gift are...
1) the Marauders
2) the Marauders
3) the Marauders
-
Lily woke up to the sound of screaming, which was nothing new these days. Harry would barely sleep for two hours at a time before he woke her up, and since James was gone on Order business she had gotten next to know sleep in the past few days. As she bounced Harry on her hip and softly hummed a lullaby in the living room she gazed at their Christmas tree. It was their first one as a family, her first one with James. Well, the first one that they had done together at least.
But gazing at that tree she couldn’t help but think about all the Christmas trees she had shared with her family growing up. It had always been an event in their house; they would make the decorations themselves. She also thought about Hogwarts, and the many Christmas trees that had decorated its halls. She’d always thought that Christmas trees held the very spirit of Christmas within them. They were the first thing you thought of, and they held all your memories of Christmas’ past. Each ornament and decoration held a memory.
Most of all she thought of Severus. It had been their holiday, Christmas. He would come to her house in the afternoon, after his father had left for the bar. He’d never wanted to be around when his father came home, so he would head to her house. They would sit in their spot and decorate it, and he always had some sort of homemade gift for her.
She missed those days, back when everything was simple. Sometimes she wished she could go back to those days, a selfish wish. She had shared other Christmases with Severus, at Hogwarts. Those Christmases had been more complicated. They had slowly gone down different paths. She missed him though. He was dark in nature, tended towards a bad tempura, and negative thoughts. But despite all of that he had a way of thinking, a light of sorts. He was smart, so incredibly smart.
Sometimes she wondered if she had made a mistake, walking away from their friendship. Where would she be right now if she hadn’t? He had loved her, loved her still she was sure. She had never had romantic feelings towards him; she loved him in a different way. She thought about all the Christmas presents he had sent her, he sent her one every year despite the fact she had turned her back on him. Despite the fact that she had given up on him when she had promised she never would. But he hadn’t given up on her, as was proven by the small gift she saw on the table with her name on it written in his writing.
As she put Harry back to bed she carried the present up to the attic, and put it in her old school trunk unopened where she kept all the others. She hadn’t opened any of them, and sometimes wished she had. She just couldn’t bring herself to. It would mean facing up to the loss of his friendship. Facing up to what she had done, and what he had done. Maybe next year things would be better. Maybe next year they will have defeated Voldemort and she would be able to go to Severus and apologise. Maybe next year they would be able to open up all of those presents together. Maybe next year she would be able to forgive him, and maybe she would be able to forgive her.
Maybe if she had known that she would be dead before the next Christmas came, her son hailed a saviour, her husband dead, and her friends lives ruined she would have been able to forgive him sooner. Maybe if she had known that her forever and her always weren’t going to last, that her forever and her always were going to be cut short, maybe she would have been brave enough to take the leap and, not only forgive, but ask for forgiveness.
But ultimately she had been too scared to try. To scared that he wouldn’t forgive her for giving up on him when she had promised she never would. She had been too scared that his always would disappear, and as selfish as it was she wanted that always. But it was too late.
Rating: PG
Warnings: Slightly depressing?
Summary: Lily reflects on Christmas.
Notes: Sorry its so so SO late!
Three things I’d like to have included in my gift are...
1) Neville/Luna
2) Dumbledore/Grindewald
3) Lily/Sev
3.5) Voldy/anyone!
Three things I don’t want to have included in my gift are...
1) the Marauders
2) the Marauders
3) the Marauders
-
Lily woke up to the sound of screaming, which was nothing new these days. Harry would barely sleep for two hours at a time before he woke her up, and since James was gone on Order business she had gotten next to know sleep in the past few days. As she bounced Harry on her hip and softly hummed a lullaby in the living room she gazed at their Christmas tree. It was their first one as a family, her first one with James. Well, the first one that they had done together at least.
But gazing at that tree she couldn’t help but think about all the Christmas trees she had shared with her family growing up. It had always been an event in their house; they would make the decorations themselves. She also thought about Hogwarts, and the many Christmas trees that had decorated its halls. She’d always thought that Christmas trees held the very spirit of Christmas within them. They were the first thing you thought of, and they held all your memories of Christmas’ past. Each ornament and decoration held a memory.
Most of all she thought of Severus. It had been their holiday, Christmas. He would come to her house in the afternoon, after his father had left for the bar. He’d never wanted to be around when his father came home, so he would head to her house. They would sit in their spot and decorate it, and he always had some sort of homemade gift for her.
She missed those days, back when everything was simple. Sometimes she wished she could go back to those days, a selfish wish. She had shared other Christmases with Severus, at Hogwarts. Those Christmases had been more complicated. They had slowly gone down different paths. She missed him though. He was dark in nature, tended towards a bad tempura, and negative thoughts. But despite all of that he had a way of thinking, a light of sorts. He was smart, so incredibly smart.
Sometimes she wondered if she had made a mistake, walking away from their friendship. Where would she be right now if she hadn’t? He had loved her, loved her still she was sure. She had never had romantic feelings towards him; she loved him in a different way. She thought about all the Christmas presents he had sent her, he sent her one every year despite the fact she had turned her back on him. Despite the fact that she had given up on him when she had promised she never would. But he hadn’t given up on her, as was proven by the small gift she saw on the table with her name on it written in his writing.
As she put Harry back to bed she carried the present up to the attic, and put it in her old school trunk unopened where she kept all the others. She hadn’t opened any of them, and sometimes wished she had. She just couldn’t bring herself to. It would mean facing up to the loss of his friendship. Facing up to what she had done, and what he had done. Maybe next year things would be better. Maybe next year they will have defeated Voldemort and she would be able to go to Severus and apologise. Maybe next year they would be able to open up all of those presents together. Maybe next year she would be able to forgive him, and maybe she would be able to forgive her.
Maybe if she had known that she would be dead before the next Christmas came, her son hailed a saviour, her husband dead, and her friends lives ruined she would have been able to forgive him sooner. Maybe if she had known that her forever and her always weren’t going to last, that her forever and her always were going to be cut short, maybe she would have been brave enough to take the leap and, not only forgive, but ask for forgiveness.
But ultimately she had been too scared to try. To scared that he wouldn’t forgive her for giving up on him when she had promised she never would. She had been too scared that his always would disappear, and as selfish as it was she wanted that always. But it was too late.