Post by Elienp on Oct 21, 2011 12:27:48 GMT -8
Title: Not brave enough
Rating: PG
Words: 450
Warning: none
Summary: It pains her but Neville's grandmother can only be honest with her diary.
He left this morning. It's getting harder each time I have to let him go, because... because each time I wonder, will I ever see him again?
If one day he doesn't come back, I'll be the only responsible. I know I don't support him enough, I should tell him I love him. I should let him know how much he means to me.
Why can't I bring myself to express my feelings? I'm a stubborn old hag, that's why. I need to know he loves me but I'm unable to tell him I love him. I want something from him I can't do myself.
I'm selfish, but I need his love to fight because, since that day, my life has become a perpetual fight.
If he were to disappear... Then my life would lose all its sense. If it wasn't for him, I'd have lost that battle a long time ago, I'm ashamed... No, in reality I'm not ashamed to say I'm living for him, thanks to him.
My love for him, his love for me, I belong to these feelings, without them, I do not exist.
My strength comes from him, and only from him. Because he's distancing himself from me, I feel I'm getting weak.
It's not my imagination, it's the truth. This morning, he hesitated to embrace me... I should talk to him – be honest – before it's too late, before my stupidity condemns me to lose the very reason of my existence.
If Neville thinks I do not belong to his life any more, then I have no more reason to be.
If Neville hates me, it will be my fault.
If Neville is walking away from me, I am the only responsible.
I am responsible for my own pain.
I also am responsible for his pain. He is suffering because of me, I know it, then why am I unable to tell him the truth?
My old age is of no help. I'm as lost as when I was young. I feel like a child, a scared child. I feel pitiful and hate myself for hurting my grandson's heart.
Neville deserves a loving grandmother. I do not deserve his love.
I know it, then why do I do nothing? Why do I only complain through words in a dusty diary?
Can not I be more courageous than that?
Can not I be as brave as Neville?
Can not I be worth of my grandson?
It's getting late, and I'm getting old... Should I write to him?
There is only one thing I want him to know. One thing I need him to know. One thing, three words, if only I was brave enough...
Rating: PG
Words: 450
Warning: none
Summary: It pains her but Neville's grandmother can only be honest with her diary.
He left this morning. It's getting harder each time I have to let him go, because... because each time I wonder, will I ever see him again?
If one day he doesn't come back, I'll be the only responsible. I know I don't support him enough, I should tell him I love him. I should let him know how much he means to me.
Why can't I bring myself to express my feelings? I'm a stubborn old hag, that's why. I need to know he loves me but I'm unable to tell him I love him. I want something from him I can't do myself.
I'm selfish, but I need his love to fight because, since that day, my life has become a perpetual fight.
If he were to disappear... Then my life would lose all its sense. If it wasn't for him, I'd have lost that battle a long time ago, I'm ashamed... No, in reality I'm not ashamed to say I'm living for him, thanks to him.
My love for him, his love for me, I belong to these feelings, without them, I do not exist.
My strength comes from him, and only from him. Because he's distancing himself from me, I feel I'm getting weak.
It's not my imagination, it's the truth. This morning, he hesitated to embrace me... I should talk to him – be honest – before it's too late, before my stupidity condemns me to lose the very reason of my existence.
If Neville thinks I do not belong to his life any more, then I have no more reason to be.
If Neville hates me, it will be my fault.
If Neville is walking away from me, I am the only responsible.
I am responsible for my own pain.
I also am responsible for his pain. He is suffering because of me, I know it, then why am I unable to tell him the truth?
My old age is of no help. I'm as lost as when I was young. I feel like a child, a scared child. I feel pitiful and hate myself for hurting my grandson's heart.
Neville deserves a loving grandmother. I do not deserve his love.
I know it, then why do I do nothing? Why do I only complain through words in a dusty diary?
Can not I be more courageous than that?
Can not I be as brave as Neville?
Can not I be worth of my grandson?
It's getting late, and I'm getting old... Should I write to him?
There is only one thing I want him to know. One thing I need him to know. One thing, three words, if only I was brave enough...