Post by Elienp on Oct 18, 2011 21:30:36 GMT -8
Title: Desperate Determination
Rating: PG
Warning: Narcissa is suffering, her mind isn't clear and so is her writing.
Words: 523
Summary: She is determined to save him. She is determined to do it alone, but is her determination enough?
Lucius, my dear Lucius,
I've started so many letters, I don't know if this one will have an end. I didn't think it'd be so hard to write to you.
I'm sorry not to face you so you learn the truth directly, and no by means of a vulgar sheet of paper, but I'm not allowed to visit you.
I'm not allowed and I won't fight for this right. I'm sorry Lucius, I won't blindly follow you any more.
Yes, I was blind my dear, blinded by my love for you. I followed you without thinking about the consequences, because there are consequences, enough for me to have regrets.
My foolishness is now putting Draco in danger. I can't forgive myself for having let such a thing happen.
I should have been cleverer. I should have restrained your ambition. I should have thought more about our future. Remember? We've always wanted a child, then why haven't we prepared a better life for them?
Our life was well suited for us, because we're adults, because adults can participate in a war if they've chosen to, but that's not something a child should be facing. Draco shouldn't be concerned in such a battle, it isn't even mine! It's yours, yours and only yours! I followed you because of my love, I chose to be with you, Draco didn't!
I'm responsible for this, and so are you. You think you've done right. You think you've chosen the right side, the strongest... In this world, everything doesn't turn around strength, there are things more important than that, I regret I'm only acknowledging it so late.
Draco's life is threatened, so is mine, but that I don't care. I will give up my life for him. I will, because I'm not a fool Lucius, and I know you know. I know, if Draco fails, it's my life which is at stake.
I need to protect him, I will, at any cost. I will abandon you, my family, my convictions – what are they I wonder, haven't I pushed them aside to embrace yours? - my honour, I will give up on everything to save him.
But, even if I die, it doesn't mean Draco will be safe. Perhaps He has something else to put pressure on him, on our child, OUR child Lucius, our only child. Do you realise his importance?
It's why I won't try to free you. As long as you're in jail, your beliefs can't do any harm to him.
This letter will never reach you. I will burn it immediately, as I did with the unfinished ones. I fear this one might also not have an end. It's hard to say goodbye to somebody you love so deeply, but Lucius, my love for Draco is... I can't bear that situation any more.
I want him to be safe. I would like us three to be together but...
I'm about to put my quill down, burn this letter, and... and... Lucius...
Rating: PG
Warning: Narcissa is suffering, her mind isn't clear and so is her writing.
Words: 523
Summary: She is determined to save him. She is determined to do it alone, but is her determination enough?
Lucius, my dear Lucius,
I've started so many letters, I don't know if this one will have an end. I didn't think it'd be so hard to write to you.
I'm sorry not to face you so you learn the truth directly, and no by means of a vulgar sheet of paper, but I'm not allowed to visit you.
I'm not allowed and I won't fight for this right. I'm sorry Lucius, I won't blindly follow you any more.
Yes, I was blind my dear, blinded by my love for you. I followed you without thinking about the consequences, because there are consequences, enough for me to have regrets.
My foolishness is now putting Draco in danger. I can't forgive myself for having let such a thing happen.
I should have been cleverer. I should have restrained your ambition. I should have thought more about our future. Remember? We've always wanted a child, then why haven't we prepared a better life for them?
Our life was well suited for us, because we're adults, because adults can participate in a war if they've chosen to, but that's not something a child should be facing. Draco shouldn't be concerned in such a battle, it isn't even mine! It's yours, yours and only yours! I followed you because of my love, I chose to be with you, Draco didn't!
I'm responsible for this, and so are you. You think you've done right. You think you've chosen the right side, the strongest... In this world, everything doesn't turn around strength, there are things more important than that, I regret I'm only acknowledging it so late.
Draco's life is threatened, so is mine, but that I don't care. I will give up my life for him. I will, because I'm not a fool Lucius, and I know you know. I know, if Draco fails, it's my life which is at stake.
I need to protect him, I will, at any cost. I will abandon you, my family, my convictions – what are they I wonder, haven't I pushed them aside to embrace yours? - my honour, I will give up on everything to save him.
But, even if I die, it doesn't mean Draco will be safe. Perhaps He has something else to put pressure on him, on our child, OUR child Lucius, our only child. Do you realise his importance?
I want him to be safe.
It's why I won't try to free you. As long as you're in jail, your beliefs can't do any harm to him.
This letter will never reach you. I will burn it immediately, as I did with the unfinished ones. I fear this one might also not have an end. It's hard to say goodbye to somebody you love so deeply, but Lucius, my love for Draco is... I can't bear that situation any more.
I want him to be safe. I would like us three to be together but...
but I want HIM to be SAFE more than anything else.
I'm about to put my quill down, burn this letter, and... and... Lucius...
What can I do to protect him?