Post by Elienp on Oct 10, 2011 10:34:54 GMT -8
Title: I need you to understanding
Rating: PG
Warning : none
Words: 757
Summary: Neville's finally found the courage to tell his grandmother his true feelings.
Dear Grandma,
Will you be proud of me one day? Will you speak about me the same way you always speak about my parents?
They were strong, models I must follow, but they're not any more. They are dead.
You always act as if they were going to come back from a very long trip, as if I had to be ready to face their judgement, but how could I – and you – know what they'd have expected from me? How could I prepare myself for a day which will never come?
They're not gone, they are dead. There is a huge difference.
I don't mean to be cruel. I only want you to understand I can't live in the past, I don't belong to it, to their time, I belong to mine, and mine is the present.
I fear I might be disappointing you more than I have ever done before, but my words are telling a truth which I feel it's time you also acknowledge.
I'm being an ungrateful brat, a lame grandchild. I'm sorry. But I need to tell you what's on my mind, what's weighing on my heart. It has become too heavy for me to keep silently supporting it. I can't do this any more.
I can't live for you, only for you – please don't be mad, please try to understand, read till the end, please...
I must start my own life. I must think about me, about what I want to realise, by myself, for myself, not for ghosts (as precious as they are).
Don't misunderstand me, I love my parents, and I love you, more than anyone else in this world. And I want you all to be proud of me, but can I not do it following my own path?
I am not them. I don't have their capacities, their strength, their courage... I don't have you disposition, your will, your tenacity...
I am not them. I am not you. I am me.
I want you to be proud of me, not to be proud of the child they'd have liked to have, of a child who would be their perfect reflection.
I'm their son, your grandson, this will never change.
I don't know if my words still have a sense. I don't mean to offend you, I don't want to hurt you! I mean to be honest. Honest and brave because, for the first time in my life – and even if I don't dare face you directly – I dare open my heart to you.
I finally dare tell you my thoughts, my feelings. I hope I'm making some sense. I hope you understand.
I'm feeling bad. You have done so much for me, given up on so many dreams, sacrificed so many things, and what do I offer you in return? A letter of complaints.
I'm certain you are hurt, and I hate myself for that. But I couldn't find another way to tell you the truth. I hope, with all my heart, that you understand, or that you will, one day, forgive me.
You might not want to see me again after your reading.
However, I'll always wait for your understanding, for your forgiveness. It won't be until I get them that I would be able to truly be myself.
Because when I have them, it'd mean you'd have agreed to something I've thought about by myself.
You'd agree with Neville Longbottom, not with the image of the grandson you thought I should be.
I want you to see me as I am, as an individual, and not only as their son – even though, never doubt it, I'm awfully proud to be their child.
Please, try to understand.
Please, understand that my courage is different from theirs, my wishes, my worth... I'm not them.
I am me. I want to be me, to be your grandson, the grandson you have in our time, in our present, not in a time which doesn't exist, a time where they would still be alive.
I want you to accept me as I am. This is the most important thing to me.
You're the most important person to me. I can't entirely be myself if you don't accept who I am.
I need you to understand. Please, I want to be freed of a past I can't remember.
Please, let me show you I can build a bright future by myself.
Please.
I love you so much.
Please.
Understand.
I need you to stop trying to change me.
Love,
Neville Longbottom, your Grandson.
Edit: 10 Points Awarded by Fate, 12/10/11.
Rating: PG
Warning : none
Words: 757
Summary: Neville's finally found the courage to tell his grandmother his true feelings.
Dear Grandma,
Will you be proud of me one day? Will you speak about me the same way you always speak about my parents?
They were strong, models I must follow, but they're not any more. They are dead.
You always act as if they were going to come back from a very long trip, as if I had to be ready to face their judgement, but how could I – and you – know what they'd have expected from me? How could I prepare myself for a day which will never come?
They're not gone, they are dead. There is a huge difference.
I don't mean to be cruel. I only want you to understand I can't live in the past, I don't belong to it, to their time, I belong to mine, and mine is the present.
I fear I might be disappointing you more than I have ever done before, but my words are telling a truth which I feel it's time you also acknowledge.
I'm being an ungrateful brat, a lame grandchild. I'm sorry. But I need to tell you what's on my mind, what's weighing on my heart. It has become too heavy for me to keep silently supporting it. I can't do this any more.
I can't live for you, only for you – please don't be mad, please try to understand, read till the end, please...
I must start my own life. I must think about me, about what I want to realise, by myself, for myself, not for ghosts (as precious as they are).
Don't misunderstand me, I love my parents, and I love you, more than anyone else in this world. And I want you all to be proud of me, but can I not do it following my own path?
I am not them. I don't have their capacities, their strength, their courage... I don't have you disposition, your will, your tenacity...
I am not them. I am not you. I am me.
I want you to be proud of me, not to be proud of the child they'd have liked to have, of a child who would be their perfect reflection.
I'm their son, your grandson, this will never change.
I don't know if my words still have a sense. I don't mean to offend you, I don't want to hurt you! I mean to be honest. Honest and brave because, for the first time in my life – and even if I don't dare face you directly – I dare open my heart to you.
I finally dare tell you my thoughts, my feelings. I hope I'm making some sense. I hope you understand.
I'm feeling bad. You have done so much for me, given up on so many dreams, sacrificed so many things, and what do I offer you in return? A letter of complaints.
I'm certain you are hurt, and I hate myself for that. But I couldn't find another way to tell you the truth. I hope, with all my heart, that you understand, or that you will, one day, forgive me.
You might not want to see me again after your reading.
However, I'll always wait for your understanding, for your forgiveness. It won't be until I get them that I would be able to truly be myself.
Because when I have them, it'd mean you'd have agreed to something I've thought about by myself.
You'd agree with Neville Longbottom, not with the image of the grandson you thought I should be.
I want you to see me as I am, as an individual, and not only as their son – even though, never doubt it, I'm awfully proud to be their child.
Please, try to understand.
Please, understand that my courage is different from theirs, my wishes, my worth... I'm not them.
I am me. I want to be me, to be your grandson, the grandson you have in our time, in our present, not in a time which doesn't exist, a time where they would still be alive.
I want you to accept me as I am. This is the most important thing to me.
You're the most important person to me. I can't entirely be myself if you don't accept who I am.
I need you to understand. Please, I want to be freed of a past I can't remember.
Please, let me show you I can build a bright future by myself.
Please.
I love you so much.
Please.
Understand.
I need you to stop trying to change me.
Love,
Neville Longbottom, your Grandson.
Edit: 10 Points Awarded by Fate, 12/10/11.