Post by Elienp on Oct 15, 2011 13:41:02 GMT -8
Title: Failure
Rating: PG
Warning: I don't see any
Words: 488
Summary: Only for a night, this sheet of paper will be Draco's confidant.
I woke up again because of that nightmare.
I hate it with all my strength.
I hate it because it might show me the truth, the future, what will happen because I am a failure... It has been a long time since I was last called thus, since Father has been jailed in fact.
Mother has never agreed with him about that. I'm not a failure for her. I'm her child, a child who might cause her death... I am a failure.
She'll die if I fail.
I won't fail, will I ? I was so sure of myself when it started, now I don't know, I'm lost..
Lost? Yes, no matter how many times I look at it, the word won't disappear. I wrote it. I thought and wrote it. I'm lost.
What should I do? To follow his orders... there is no other solution. I don't have any choice, not any more. I've been overconfident. I thought I was stronger...
I'm weak, weak and lost, what a failure really. If it wasn't so pathetic it'd make me laugh. I'd make fun of myself, but I can't. To be honest, right now tears are... are... no I can't write it, I'm not that weak... I'm not that weak, am I?
I don't know...
Who would know? She would... no... she would lie to me, because a mother would never hurt her child, well, rather because Mother will never hurt me, I don't care about the others.
Sometimes I.... Merlin! That's awful to think, even more to write but I... if I'm not honest with myself with who would I be?
Well, second try then, sometimes... sometimes I envy scarred-face. He's surrounded by friends, true friends, people who will never let him down, people he can speak with, trust, people who will always reassure him, help him... He isn't alone... like me...
I should go back to sleep because it's late, well that's what the clock is telling me. Can I trust it?
I'm becoming paranoid. An exhausted, lost, weak, paranoid man, what a great son I make!
There, I'm laughing, hard I must add.
I should really go to bed. I need to sleep. I hasn't slept well for a long time, that nightmare is always waiting for me... I fail, she dies. I hope I won't make it again. I need to sleep. I need my mind to be clear if I want to succeed.
Tomorrow I will burn that sheet of paper. Those words must disappear before someone reads them, before someone related to him reads them. He doesn't need to know I'm doubting.
To doubt means to be weak. To be weak means I won't be able to succeed. Not to succeed means she'll pay the price of my weakness.
I won't let her die. I won't let Mother be condemned because of me.
I might be a failure, but I won't fail her.
Rating: PG
Warning: I don't see any
Words: 488
Summary: Only for a night, this sheet of paper will be Draco's confidant.
I woke up again because of that nightmare.
I hate it with all my strength.
I hate it because it might show me the truth, the future, what will happen because I am a failure... It has been a long time since I was last called thus, since Father has been jailed in fact.
Mother has never agreed with him about that. I'm not a failure for her. I'm her child, a child who might cause her death... I am a failure.
She'll die if I fail.
I won't fail, will I ? I was so sure of myself when it started, now I don't know, I'm lost..
Lost? Yes, no matter how many times I look at it, the word won't disappear. I wrote it. I thought and wrote it. I'm lost.
What should I do? To follow his orders... there is no other solution. I don't have any choice, not any more. I've been overconfident. I thought I was stronger...
I'm weak, weak and lost, what a failure really. If it wasn't so pathetic it'd make me laugh. I'd make fun of myself, but I can't. To be honest, right now tears are... are... no I can't write it, I'm not that weak... I'm not that weak, am I?
I don't know...
Who would know? She would... no... she would lie to me, because a mother would never hurt her child, well, rather because Mother will never hurt me, I don't care about the others.
Sometimes I.... Merlin! That's awful to think, even more to write but I... if I'm not honest with myself with who would I be?
Well, second try then, sometimes... sometimes I envy scarred-face. He's surrounded by friends, true friends, people who will never let him down, people he can speak with, trust, people who will always reassure him, help him... He isn't alone... like me...
I should go back to sleep because it's late, well that's what the clock is telling me. Can I trust it?
I'm becoming paranoid. An exhausted, lost, weak, paranoid man, what a great son I make!
There, I'm laughing, hard I must add.
I should really go to bed. I need to sleep. I hasn't slept well for a long time, that nightmare is always waiting for me... I fail, she dies. I hope I won't make it again. I need to sleep. I need my mind to be clear if I want to succeed.
Tomorrow I will burn that sheet of paper. Those words must disappear before someone reads them, before someone related to him reads them. He doesn't need to know I'm doubting.
To doubt means to be weak. To be weak means I won't be able to succeed. Not to succeed means she'll pay the price of my weakness.
I won't let her die. I won't let Mother be condemned because of me.
I might be a failure, but I won't fail her.